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End of maternity leave anxiety

I remember saying about a month or two into my maternity leave ‘I’m bored already, all Joseph does is sleep, poop, eat and repeat. I’d happy come back to work early’. What was I thinking?! Fast forward to now, Joseph has grown and developed so much. Has his own unique personality and is the best to be around. 

I had my back to work meeting yesterday, I start back NEXT MONTH. April 2nd. People warned me with how quick time goes but I just disregarded it and thought as if! But oh my has it come around fast. And oh my I don’t want to go back. I always said I’d get a new job by then but I haven’t had the time so just staying in my job is the safest and most convenient at the moment. 

I’ll be doing 23.5 hours a week, sounds a lot but it’s two 12 hour shifts a week. Long ass shifts but the only pro to that is the fact i’m only in for two days and I get to look after my boy for the rest of the week. It’ll be tiring as hell and it’ll be a challenge. But I don’t want to be in that job forever. Don’t get me wrong, I love being a support worker, working with brain injury and mental health. But the pay doesn’t reflect the amount of work and passion you put in. I was on the same money when I worked in McDonalds! 

The anxiety is starting to kick in big time. Being away from Joseph for twelve hours is a nightmare. Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy some time to myself to recharge my batteries but not for twelve hours! I’m scared i’ll miss something, or heaven forbid something happens and I won’t be there. 

Not only that, but the childcare side of things. I’ve requested flexible shifts but the subject was very off and I don’t think i’ll be guaranteed the days I want. I can’t afford childcare as I’m playing catch up with money and want to get out of my overdraft. Not to mention childcare prices are extortionate. I don’t want to rely on my parents too much but a needs a must. 

I am looking forward to the independence again and finally being able to bring in more money but I just want to be with my boy.

What were your feelings when your maternity leave came to an end? Is it really that bad? 

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2 thoughts on “End of maternity leave anxiety

  1. I guess everyone feels different when it comes to the end of their maternity leave, it’s a very strange feeling. I had feelings of guilt, doubt, and anxiety but I knew it was the right thing for my family. Plus I needed a bit of adult conversation. It gets better once you settle into a new routine and at that point, you will be able to consider looking for something better suited to you x

    Liked by 1 person

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