My previous post was all about what I struggled with since being a mother and whilst it may appear to be all on a downer, it really shouldn’t! It shows you’re human, and that it’s inevitable that some things you will struggle with. But over time it gets easier and it’s all about learning along the way. I just wanted to make the post to show other mothers that it is okay to admit what you’re struggling with, because lets face it, we’re not robots and we do have emotions. So it’s OK!
This post is dedicated to what I feel I’ve done well since being a mum. Things like this should be celebrated! If it’s only managing to successfully shower whilst the baby naps or finally sitting down at 21:00 to have your first hot meal of the day whereas before you didn’t have any hot food all day. I don’t hold back and not ashamed to say that I text my partner with such excitement saying ‘oh my gosh I’m actually wearing my hair down today!!’
So what do I feel that I’ve done well since being a mum?
1. Not losing my shit
Honestly, I have such a short fuse and I almost always cry when I get frustrated/angry which makes me feel 100% worse. So with colic for the first two weeks and some nights where Joseph just wouldn’t settle, old me would have just shouted and cried. But I feel I’ve done so well and since having a baby, I have gained so much patience. It’s as if I am a different person! Don’t get me wrong, when the baby has cried for almost 3 hours I have just sat and cried with him but only because I just feel sad because I couldn’t do anything to help him. I haven’t lost my temper with him, I only have to look at him and just think ‘how on Earth could I be angry with this beautiful human?’. Bear in mind, it’s only been almost four months but I’ll take that as a pretty big achievement.
2. Actually being a mum
I had never, ever wanted children. Like, ever. So finding out I was pregnant was a huge shock for me and at the time I felt so lost. As I never wanted children, I didn’t know anything about children. I don’t have any nieces or nephews or friends with babies so I hadn’t even been near one in a long time either. So as you can imagine, my pregnancy consisted of reading, researching and buying all the ‘must haves’. Turns out, as soon as Joseph was, something in my brain must have clicked to ‘mother mode’ and it’s like I had always destined to be a mum. Everything was just so natural and the books and website research I read just went out of the window and I just did my own thing. And it’s worked. I haven’t had a breakdown, Joseph is so well behaved and me and Mathew are as strong as ever. So this is major for me, going from thinking I’d never be able to be a mum to believing that I’m doing a great job.
3. Getting into a routine
I’ve heard nightmare stories when I was pregnant. The good ol’ ‘say goodbye to sleep’ or ‘they cry all night’. And I thought, oh good god. As someone who LOVES their sleep, the thought of losing it made me feel uneasy. Of course I knew I was going to lose some sleep, it’s a given. But hearing other people’s stories, I thought I’d have to get the tape out and sellotape my eyes open. But so far, Joseph’s sleeping as been brilliant. And it’s such a relief. Looking back from when Joseph was born to where he is now, it’s crazy how much things have changed. I remember thinking ‘how the hell am I going to get Joseph into a routine?! He’s just a baby, babies don’t care about routine’. I honestly did think routine would never happen, especially when Joseph had colic. But that passed and I thought of establishing a routine early. And it’s worked! Joseph’s always been a great sleeper, right now he sleeps through the night but when he was a newborn to about one/one and half months old, he’d only wake up once in the middle of the night. That wasn’t an issue to me at all. The only thing I found difficult was evening times and trying to settle him as he could get quite grumpy. So me and Mathew established a routine and it’s working so far.So this is Josephs whole day:
Anything from 7-8am: Wake up, morning cuddles, chatting away. (He’s so happy in the morning!)
Anything from 7:15-8:15am: Change, bottle, playtime.
(Times vary +/- an hour, depending on when he gets up)
9:30am: Morning nap
11:00am: Change, feed, playtime
(Quite often Joseph will have another morning nap! But it’s more like 30-45 minutes)
13:00: Change, bottle, go out for a walk depending on weather/playtime.
14:00: Longest nap of the day (Anything up to 3 hours).
17:00: Change, feed, playtime.
18:00-19:00: Bath time
19:30-20:00: Last bottle of the night, relax time.
20:30-21:30: Likes to be rocked to sleep, then is put to bed.
23:00: Nappy change and maybe another feed but this is rare.
This isn’t very detailed at all because he has more feeds in the day (he’s a v. hungry baby) but the evening routine is what we feel works to settle Joseph down. It’s so crazy that he knows (or believe he knows) that after bath it’s going to be time for bed soon, and he get so sleepy and then he’s out for the night! But I am happy that this is working and I’ve felt like I’ve done something right.
4. Little victories
Not letting the house look like a bombsite is one little victory I like to celebrate. Okay, I did cheat a little here.. my parents do help out quite a bit but I do try my best to keep on top of house work. It’s normally all done when Joseph goes to bed because in the day it probably does resemble a bombsite, but better to be done at 9pm than not at all right!! It’s like my own little routine, Joseph goes to bed which means I wash the dishes, tidy up and then relax. Also Mathew will take Joseph out sometimes which gives me time to do some house chores. Success!
Having the time to keep on top of my appearance. Yes, this little victory of mine keeps me sane. I feel like superwoman when I have my hair down (although Joseph now likes to grab it and as it’s falling out he gets hair all stuck in between his fingers), and my make up done (which is in need of serious replacing as most of it has run out).
Managing to get a hot meal in at lunch time. I really need to master the art of preparing my meals but with a very clingy baba it’s v. difficult.
Compared to the ‘things I struggle’ with post, this is two points shorter so it looks like I hate motherhood and am ready to quit. But it’s so not the case. These four major points to me outweigh the struggles. Point two of ‘actually being a mum’ is absolutely huge and that alone beats all the struggles put together.
It’s these positive points that make being a mum all worthwhile. It keeps me going, it keeps me sane and I just feel so happy because of it. I’m a lot more confident than I was before being a mum which is a major thing for me, like major. Anxiety really got the best of me before pregnancy which made me fail at a lot of things and got very depressed because of it and lost a lot of sleep.
I’m so excited to what the future holds of being a mum, and making an updated post about the struggles/victories of being a mum. I know now to admit what I’m struggling with so I can have support and work on it. And to also not feel embarrassed about the little victories I have and share it.
What do you think you’ve done well since being a mum?